Life Scripts

                                 

'Life Scripts' are stories that we tell ourselves as we try to understand what is going on in our lives. They are like a narration to self and are the way we tell stories about our own lives, in our own minds. These could be stories from the past, the present and/or the future. These stories or life scripts, help us feel safer in life because they make our lives seem predictable and constant with a set of fixed rules- 'things always go this way.'

However, these 'life scripts' can sometimes be very damaging to our sense of self, to our relationships and to our ability to reach a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives. To prevent further damage, a therapist will work with their client to examine the life script the client relies on to understand their life. And then to create new scripts that help them move forward, positively to the future 

A few examples of 'Life Scripts' could include:

"None of my partners have made me feel safe, so it is impossible for me to feel safe with a partner."

"My dad left because I was a demanding child, so if I want people to stay, I have to be compliant, easy, and bury my own needs."

"I'll never be able to achieve what I want in the future, I am not intelligent enough, just look at my school reports."

Let's look at a case study, and demonstrate how together with the client, we can change a life script. 

(The client's name is Sophie, not her real name)

Sophie tells the therapist that after she had an accident at work, she started to gain an open-minded and spiritual perspective and that spiritual soul searching is what is motivating her now. She feels more alive than she has in years- ever, and stays up late into the night, researching and trying to apply what she is learning to herself. However, she's hitting what she feels is a huge stumbling block- her husband isn't interested in her new passion at all.

Previously, they used to talk in detail about their work lives together, and he was always extremely interested. Now her passions have shifted to spirituality, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes, feeling desperate for the connection, she forces the issue, and he ends up angry and resentful. Then they end up arguing and Sophie feels abandoned, lonely and disconnected. Then she felt torn- in one sense, she didn't want to continue researching but her need to connect spiritually was even more overwhelming because of her disconnected feelings.

The therapist asks: 'When have you felt like that before?' 

Sophie thinks about this and then confides, "When I was a child, I was interested in computer programming, and my friends thought I was strange. It was OK at first, but then they started ganging up on me, calling me weird, and excluding me. I ended up feeling very lonely, confused, and torn. In the end, I gave up computer programming and re-joined my friends, but I feel at that time, I lost myself."

The therapist asks: "How do you think that experience is affecting you now?"

Sophie thinks about this, and realises,

"I have the idea that if I don't share what I am doing with my husband, he will just think it's something strange I'm doing. I mean, crystals, and cards and all that can look a bit weird from the outside, but if you're inside it, you can understand it better. I don't want him to think that I'm weird and cut me off. But at the same time, I don't want to stop doing it like I did when I was younger and lose myself."

Sophie and the therapist talked this through further, and Sophie realised a story (Life Script) she told herself was: 'If I follow my own interests and passions, people close to me are going to think I'm strange and abandon me.'

It was this fear of abandonment that compelled her to try to force her husband into understanding all the details of her spiritual practice and was making her feel like she wanted to stop her spiritual voyage.

Instead of continuing the pattern, she decided to test if her Life Script was true, by telling her husband about her fears.

He assured her that he still loved her and was glad to see her enjoying herself and growing as a person- it was just that the things that interested her spiritually didn't light a spark in him, and it was all she seemed to talk about these days. He assured her he wasn't going to leave her. She was relieved but said that because everything was so exciting for her, she wanted to share it with him, because he meant so much to her. He was also relieved, saying, 'Hey, I thought you were trying to convert me!'

They both agreed to have a specific time where they would talk about her new discoveries each week.

Through understanding the relevance of her Life Script, Sophie was able to put into practice what she had learned and could move forward in a positive frame of mind.

Modern Hippie Therapy.